


We Time

by Marie_Tomas



Series: Bedtime [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Arguing, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Big Brother Dean, Bisexual Dean, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Chick-Flick Moments, Confused Sam, Crushes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean Loves Sam, Hotel, Hugging, Jealous Sam Winchester, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Misunderstandings, POV Sam Winchester, Possessive Sam Winchester, Realization, Romantic Sam, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Soulmates, Vacation, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4042717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Tomas/pseuds/Marie_Tomas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After weeks of getting inexplicably angry and possessive with Dean, usually when he sees his brother flirting with or being affectionate with women or men, a tired and confused Sam is definitely grateful when Dean suggests that they take a vacation at a luxury hotel so that they can have a break and figure a few things out.</p>
<p>Everything's perfect at the hotel, where Sam shares a bed with Dean and they're even more cuddly and affectionate with one another than usual, until Dean starts flirting with a woman at the bar, until Sam angrily heads back to their room alone, and he starts to realize that maybe his feelings for Dean are more than brotherly now, and maybe he needs a little more than the cuddling and the shared beds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Time

**Author's Note:**

> A more Wincesty chapter for those who would like to see Sam and Dean take the next step in their relationship in this Bedtime series.
> 
> The series can, however, be read without this chapter (and without the Wincest) as a brotherly love/affection themed series.

Sam was jealous.

It was only as this thought came into his mind and he acknowledged to himself that he was finally able to give a name to the strange, previously unknown emotion that he seemed to have been trying to ignore for a while, that the weird tension between him and Dean for the past couple of weeks suddenly seemed to make some sort of sense.

It also explained why he was currently so mad at Dean for spending the evening with an attractive woman at the hotel bar, instead of spending it in their shared hotel room, cuddling with Sam.

He sighed and shifted around a little in the king-sized bed, positioned right in the middle of his and Dean’s latest hotel room. The room might have been luxurious compared to their usual crappy motel rooms, but Sam was painfully aware of the fact that he still wasn’t going to be able to get to sleep, in spite of the bed’s comfort, not when Dean was still downstairs at the bar, flirting with a beautiful woman, not when Dean probably wasn’t going to return to the hotel room tonight, and Sam was probably going to be left alone with his not-so-welcome thoughts and his angst.

Before he realized what it was exactly that he was feeling, he had tried to put his and Dean’s most recent arguments down to the usual tension that always seemed to have been there between the two of them, even though he knew deep down that the explanation didn’t really fit, that it was too simple when it came to defining the strange emotions that he was feeling.

Looking back, the whole feeling jealous issue seemed kind of obvious, like he should have worked this out a while ago. He realized that in many ways, the jealousy had been there under the surface, right from the beginning of his and Dean’s ‘bedtime’ thing, back when he used to get mad at the thought of Dean hooking up with pretty waitresses and barmaids and therefore sharing his bed and cuddling with anyone else who wasn’t Sam.

But Sam had always assumed that it was _just_ about the cuddling, or the craving for affection, or the type of jealousy that had always been there when Sam was a kid and he was used to having his big brother’s undivided attention, when almost all of his comfort and affection came from Dean, and it wasn’t unknown for Sam to throw tantrums when he felt like he wasn’t getting Dean's attention.

It had been the easiest explanation at first, until things started to change for Sam.

As well as making Sam feel all relaxed and contented, Dean’s soft touches and close proximity had gradually made him feel something else as well, something that he hadn’t been able to define up to now, but it was something that gave him goose bumps and made his body crave more and more contact, and that ‘something’ had also started to convince him that no matter how close he got to Dean in bed at night, it just wasn’t _enough_. He’d felt like he needed _more_ …of something.

He’d also started to notice things about Dean as well, when they were pressed up close together, like how deep and expressive his eyes were, and how much he wanted to look into them all night, even if Dean probably wouldn’t have been on board with that, and also how he didn’t want anyone else to look into those eyes and feel such intense affection, and how adorable Dean looked when his eyelids fluttered closed as he fell asleep, and how… _attractive_ Dean was when he was peaceful and vulnerable in sleep.

Still, Sam could have brushed those feelings to one side, especially during the couple of weeks when they asked for double beds every night and they were so engrossed in research for their latest hunt that they barely saw anyone else for days on end, and Sam really didn’t have the time or the energy to think about much else apart from their hunt and getting a good night's sleep.

But then they were back at diners and bars after an exhausting couple of days' research, and Dean was flirting with waitresses and barmaids again, and Sam had felt a rush of anger and possessiveness that had completely taken him by surprise.

He had almost wanted to run up to the women and yell, “Mine!” and drag Dean away, until he’d stopped himself at the last second, telling himself that he was acting crazy, that he would still get his cuddles with Dean later in the night, because Dean had asked for a double bed and promised that he would come back to the motel room, so that they could get up early to do even more research. But still, this reasoning hadn’t done anything to minimize Sam’s strange feelings of anger.

And that was when the arguments and the awkward tension between him and Dean had started up all over again, because Sam had sulked his way through most of the next day, and Dean being Dean, he had glared back and rolled his eyes in exasperation instead of actually talking about what might be wrong, and then they’d resorted to one of their typical petty arguments, which seemed to continue for days.

Not long after, they had teamed up with a group of male hunters. Right away, Sam had caught one of the guys looking Dean up and down in appreciation and subtly licking his lips; and, to make it worse, Dean had grinned back, looking all flushed and embarrassed in a way that he never looked when he was confidently flirting with women.

This wasn’t exactly a new thing to Sam-it happened every now and again, with some men taking an instant interest in Dean and giving him ‘that look’, with Dean sometimes giving a few looks or shy grins back. It was something that he and Dean never talked about-Sam wasn’t even sure that Dean would know _how_ to talk about it, if he was even ready to admit it-but it was there, it happened…sometimes, even though Dean had never acted on it with guys, up to now, as far as Sam knew.

Only this time, Sam had felt his most intense rush of anger ever, and he’d spent the whole hunt alternating between sulking and glaring and walking real close to Dean, as though he were protecting him from something other than a demon, or, more accurately, as though he were guarding what was his.

Dean had rolled his eyes at him the whole time, but he hadn’t exactly told Sam to leave him alone.

After the hunt was successfully completed, they had all ended up at a strip club (one of Dean’s suggestions) and it was there that they’d all got really drunk (apart from Sam, who’d convinced himself that he needed to stay sober and alert against any unnamed threats), and that was when the guy who’d been interested in Dean had started to get extra touchy-feely, brushing his legs against Dean’s legs and moving his seat closer and closer to _Sam's_ brother.

The second he saw Dean drunkenly wrapping his arms around the hunter in a friendly embrace, mimicking his usual affectionate gesture that he’d only previously shared with Sam when he was drunk, something in Sam had snapped and he’d grabbed hold of his brother and dragged him out of the club, ignoring the hunters’ protests and then Dean’s almost incoherent protests when they got outside, drowning out Dean’s drunken babbling with an angry lecture about drinking too much.

Dean had eventually staggered back to the motel parking lot with Sam close behind him before giving up and complaining that he was too tired and too drunk to walk any further, so Sam, still high off the adrenaline brought on by dragging Dean possessively out of the club, had somehow decided that it would be a good idea to grab hold of Dean, pick him up and carry him, _bridal style_ , back to their room.

Sam had never done anything like that before, but somehow, it just felt right, holding Dean close to him like that, carrying him all possessively, even though he knew that Dean would kick his ass in the morning if he remembered what Sam had done.

It might have felt natural, but Sam knew that it definitely didn’t feel like the other times when they staggered back to their motel rooms after too many beers and Dean leaned on him affectionately.

“Hmm,” Dean had muttered up against Sam’s shoulder just before they arrived at the motel room, “you goin’ all caveman on me?”

Sam had practically felt Dean grinning into his shoulder as he spoke, and hell if that hadn’t confused him even more.

That night, when the adrenaline high wore off, Sam had started to feel really guilty. Because yeah, it wasn’t like he had made ‘never flirting with anyone else’ a part of their unspoken deal to share more double beds. It wasn’t like he could expect Dean to never have any other human contact if he still wanted the affection from Sam. He couldn’t condemn his permanently horny older brother to a life of sexual frustration just so they could share a bed every night.

Sam had therefore decided that he was being kind of selfish, and unreasonable, and that he was projecting his confusion onto Dean and leading both of them into more unnecessary arguments.

He’d had a whole apology prepared for the morning, but it turned out that it was _Dean_ who was sitting on the edge of Sam’s bed when he woke up, looking all worried and apologetic and telling Sam that they needed a break, that they needed a little ‘we time’, a break for just the two of them, to 'figure a couple things out', and Sam had been so excited at the prospect of a mini vacation with just Dean, and another temporary break from the exhaustion of their hunts and arguments (just like their stay at the cabin), that he had just grinned and let Dean borrow his laptop to search for a hotel, and his plans to apologize had kind of been forgotten among the talk about where they were going to go.

Dean’s ‘we time’ suggestion was the reason why they had ended up at this luxury hotel on the coast, where everything had been going so well, until Dean ended up flirting with a waitress and Sam ended up sulking in the room alone and realizing that he had some kind of inappropriate crush on his brother.

Sam threw one of the pillows out of the bed in frustration; because yeah, he obviously didn’t _want_ to be feeling like this. Not when Dean was his _brother_. Not when he knew that this wasn’t a typical thing to feel about a sibling.

Anyway, putting aside his anxiety about his new-found feelings for his brother for a moment, Sam felt really sad that he’d allowed his anger and his jealousy to put a strain on his and Dean’s brotherly relationship, that he was probably going to fuck things up between them all over again in the near future with all of this, as though they hadn’t already been through enough over the years.

This thought was made even more tragic by the fact that Sam knew that things had been so perfect between the two of them over the past few months since they started sharing beds. Well, perfect by Winchester standards, anyway.

Sam had felt so happy and relaxed with all of the extra affection, and he could tell that Dean looked happier, too. They had both been sleeping better than they’d slept in years, meaning they had a lot more energy when they were on their hunts, which in turn made Dean happier, because he always seemed more focused when they were doing their job well, like he felt better that they were doing more good in the world. The hunter life also hadn’t seemed so empty for Sam, not since the bedtime thing started and he felt like he was more comforted and protected, and like he and Dean were starting to communicate more effectively and starting to share more jokes and play fights and brotherly banter.

Their stay at the hotel had also been awesome, so far. They’d checked in, ignoring the obvious smirks from the desk clerk, then Dean had looked all happy when they opened the door to their hotel room and he watched Sam with an affectionate smile as he took in the huge, king-sized bed with its luxury sheets and chocolates on the pillows, as well as the bottle of champagne on the table and the view of the ocean from the window, and they’d shared a few grins before Dean had looked at the bed again and muttered something about taking a nap.

“I’m not tired,” Sam had replied automatically, the way he always did, but Dean had told him to shut up and get into the bed, and for once, Sam had just gone along with it, kind of curious as to whether the sheets would be as soft as they looked.

Sam had woken up pressed up next to Dean and feeling all relaxed after an hour’s sleep on a comfortable bed with a soft mattress.

Later, they’d headed out of the hotel and to the beach, and Sam had tried really hard not to glare at the woman who’d grinned flirtatiously at Dean while they waited for the elevator.

When they found a comfortable spot on the warm sand, Dean had removed his t-shirt and he started to apply sunscreen. Usually, Sam would have left him to it, but he’d had this sudden and inexplicable urge to put his hands on Dean, so he’d found himself coming up with all of these lame excuses about how Dean was looking pale, and how he wasn’t applying the sunscreen all over, how he wasn’t applying it right, and next minute, Sam was rubbing the sunscreen all over Dean’s back and shoulders.

Dean had protested at first, and he had looked embarrassed, and he’d called Sam a chick a couple of times, but then he seemed to just relax into Sam’s touches, because he went strangely quiet, and the tension seemed to leave his body as he let out a few contented sighs.

It might have felt like an extension of the soft caresses that they’d just shared during their ‘nap time’, but Sam could also feel something different, like there was a weird thing going on between the two of them, something left unspoken.

A few minutes later, they were sprawled out all over their beach towels, and Dean’s eyes were closed like he was asleep.

When the same girl who’d smiled at Dean back at the hotel walked past them in a bikini, stopping to blatantly stare at Dean and check him out, Sam had for some strange reason thrown his hand possessively over Dean’s chest, like he was warning her to back off.

She seemed to get the hint, because she shrugged sadly and walked away.

Sam had felt a smug sense of self-satisfaction at first, right up until he noticed Dean giving him a weird look and a raised eyebrow, like he was silently asking Sam what the hell he was doing, apparently not as 'asleep' as he’d appeared.

“Uh… _we_ time, remember?” Sam had mumbled, using what had to be one of the lamest excuse _ever_ , but Dean seemed to go for it, because he simply shrugged and closed his eyes again.

That would have been the perfect end to the day-in Sam’s opinion, anyway-if they hadn’t then ended up at the hotel bar in the evening and Dean hadn’t started talking to and flirting with a different but equally hot woman, if Sam hadn’t got so angry again when Dean ignored him, and if Sam hadn’t returned to his and Dean’s room alone, sulking and slamming doors. If Sam hadn’t realized, about five minutes after he returned to the room, that he had reacted that way because he was _jealous_.

Sam sighed again and hit one of the pillows in frustration.

He didn’t even know where this crush had come from. He’d never been attracted to guys before-it was _Dean_ who seemed to ‘discreetly’ check guys out and develop his 'man-crushes' and go on about how attractive certain men were.

It didn’t even feel like anything similar to that for Sam-it wasn’t like his crushes on women, or the lust he felt when he saw certain beautiful women. It all felt a lot deeper, like it was about an intense, emotional bond rather than a fleeting physical bond. Like the physical bond was based on a profound, unspoken communication and a lot of affection rather than an instantaneous crush. Sam wondered if this sudden need for the extra connection was some kind of weird _soulmate_ thing, rather than a typical romance.

As Sam tried and failed to get to sleep, he stared out of the hotel room window up at the stars while he worried about how Dean would react if he ever found out that Sam had developed feelings for him that were more than brotherly.

He wondered if Dean would think that his feelings were sick, or wrong. Then he started to panic about how their shared bed situation and their cuddling and their nap times could be completely destroyed, because Dean would probably back off, push Sam away, put a huge distance between the two of them until Sam had his desires ‘under control’, destroying every part of their strengthened brotherly bond that they’d worked towards over the past few months since their ‘bedtime’ thing had started and no doubt taking them right back to their times of tension and anger and miscommunication.

Sam also felt yet another twinge of guilt as he worried that Dean would suspect that the whole cuddling-at-night-thing wasn’t as sweet and innocent as he (and Sam) had always believed it was. Like Sam had always been getting something sexual out of it or it had always been a cunning ploy on Sam’s part to get something more out of Dean. Which really wasn’t true. Amidst all of the confusion that Sam had experienced recently, this was one thing that he knew for sure. Sam would always see their shared bed situation as an expression of brotherly affection before anything else.

Even in the unlikely event that Dean felt the same way as Sam and something happened between the two of them, Sam would still want the more innocent cuddling and the gentle touches to happen, he would still want Dean to be his big brother and comfort him and protect him, ease him into his daytime naps when he was overtired and stroke his hair and kiss his forehead.

Sam could live without romantic love from Dean, he decided as he closed his eyes, but he could _never_ live without the brotherly love.

* * *

Just as Sam reluctantly started to drift off into a fitful sleep, he heard the hotel room door open softly.

He quickly opened his eyes, panicking for a second in his half-asleep state about who was in his room. Apparently, he was still so relaxed from being on vacation that his body was no longer kicking into hunter-mode as fast as usual.

It didn’t take long, however, before he worked out that it was his older brother walking over to the bed, and he looked kind of mad.

Annoyingly, Sam started to blush, and his heart started racing, as though he didn’t see Dean every day, as though he had suddenly turned into an awkward teenager with a crush, as though he were now seeing Dean Winchester in a whole new light.

Sam was forced to snap out of his strange thoughts about his inappropriate crush when Dean sighed heavily and he started to speak.

“Dude, what the hell?” Dean snapped at him, his arms folded.

Sam sat up slowly and it took him a few seconds of glaring back before he started to work out that Dean was apparently mad at him for returning to the hotel room without telling his protective older brother where he was going.  

“I turned around for like a second,” Dean continued, “and you were gone…”

Sam could hear the concern mixed in with fear in Dean’s voice, and he felt a stab of guilt. He was reminded of when they were kids, when Dean would get all anxious whenever he lost sight of Sam for a couple seconds and he always panicked when he didn’t know where Sam was.

Dean still responded with the whole panicking-about-where-Sam-was reaction a lot, even though they were adults, and as much as Sam rolled his eyes and reminded Dean every single time that he wasn’t a kid anymore and that he was allowed to go out by himself, secretly, he sort of enjoyed Dean’s reaction of intense relief whenever he found Sam again; he kind of liked the attention, and it reminded him that somebody really cared about him, that somebody worried about his well-being, and that he was always going to be a priority to his older brother.

As he acknowledged that thought in his mind, Sam reminded himself that he couldn’t do _anything_ to jeopardize that brotherly bond with Dean, not if Dean didn’t feel whatever it was that Sam was feeling.

No matter what, their connection as brothers was always going to come first, and if Sam’s strange and new feelings about Dean were going to get in the way of everything they’d worked towards over the past few months, with the steps they had both taken to be more affectionate in their shared beds in their motel rooms, then Sam was just going to have to learn to control those not-so-brotherly feelings, or find a way to repress them.

Their relationship as brothers had taken so many hits over the years, and Sam wasn’t prepared to put their bond at risk again. Anyway, it wasn’t like they both weren’t already skilled at repressing emotions and denying feelings.

Sam shrugged, now feeling a little sheepish. “You seemed kind of distracted,” he mumbled, resorting to sulky-little-brother mode. It sounded suspiciously like one of his _You-were-ignoring-me!_ accusations from his childhood, whenever he had felt like Dean wasn’t giving him his full attention.

“Distracted?” Dean repeated, wide-eyed, somehow sounding offended at Sam’s implication that Dean wouldn’t even notice his absence.

“Yeah…uh…figured you were gonna go back to that chick’s hotel room…” As Sam spoke the words, he felt something catch in his throat, and he really had to try hard not to let his obvious sadness and jealousy show in his expression at the thought that Dean would prefer to get into a bed with a random stranger instead of cuddling in Sam’s bed. “Thought I’d get out of your way and make it easier for you…”

“Sam,” Dean sighed, using his authoritative-older-brother voice, “what part of ‘ _We Time_ ’ don’t you understand?”

“Huh?” Sam asked with a frown, feeling kind of confused.

“You know, having a weekend away _together_ , spending quality time _together_ , or whatever other chick-flick label you’re gonna give it…”

Sam felt a brief rush of affection and gratitude as he interpreted Dean’s comment as some sort of confirmation that he was prepared to make spending time with Sam a priority over getting laid, but Sam still felt kind of bewildered, because it wasn’t like Dean had seen anything wrong with vowing to spend more quality time with Sam while continuing to flirt with hot women before going home with them after nights of drinking in the past.

“But, Dean, she was hot, and I know that you like-”

“Sam,” Dean cut him off firmly, even though his awkward shifting around from foot to foot and his folded arms suggested that he wasn’t as cool about their discussion as he seemed. “I haven’t got laid for _months_. Not since we started-”

“Cuddling?” Sam offered when Dean stopped talking and his big brother looked all hesitant, but then he regretted speaking the word out loud when Dean started to blush.

“Shut up, Sam!” Dean snapped, now sounding really uncomfortable. “ _Months_ , Sammy,” he repeated as he ducked his head, like this statement held the answer to every mystery between the two of them.

“Yeah, I know, uh…I mean, exactly,” Sam mumbled, worrying that he was now getting as bad as Dean at the whole verbal communication thing. “That’s why I figured you wanted to, uh…you know.”

“Did you ever stop to think about _why_ there hasn’t been a chick on the scene for months?” Dean asked him with a frown, like he couldn’t believe that Sam didn’t understand whatever it was that he was trying to say, and Sam frowned back.

Honestly, he hadn’t really thought about it, he hadn't _wanted_ to think about it; he’d been too busy trying to get Dean to sleep close to him every night, and he’d been kind of distracted by all of their hunts and their late nights doing research.  

“Dude,” Dean continued, “we’ve been doing the whole ‘bedtime’ thing for months. We’ve ended up in a double bed every night in a row for _at least_ two months. I let you _carry_ me back to our motel rooms when we’re drunk. You haven’t even been out on a date the whole time-yeah, don't think I haven't noticed. Hell, we’re at a luxury hotel sharing some tacky, king-sized bed, I practically let you massage me on the beach and every member of staff working at the front desk thinks we’re on a romantic vacation. Didn’t think we had to have a chick-flick moment to work it out; I just kinda figured we were already headin’ for…”

“Heading for what?” Sam asked as his heart started beating faster. He was genuinely intrigued about how Dean was going to finish that sentence.

But apparently, Dean already felt like he’d said too much. “Nothin’…just, forget it, okay?” he mumbled, and Sam could see from his expression that he was shutting down, closing off, the way he always did whenever their discussions got a little too deep or too close to home.

Unsurprisingly, an awkward silence descended on the hotel room, and Sam stared at Dean, trying to work out what he had been trying to say, trying to work out was Dean was feeling, while Dean determinedly kept looking at the floor and not at Sam.

After a few seconds of careful consideration, and  a few more seconds of playing Dean’s words over in his head, Sam couldn’t help feeling a faint glimmer of hope that maybe Dean actually meant that he figured that they were naturally progressing into the next step of their relationship, a ‘next step’ that Sam wanted so much.

Maybe, by some miracle, or some strange twist of fate, he and Dean had actually ended up on the same page. Maybe Dean had just been silently trying to ease them into something more physical, more ‘unbrotherly’, without a girly discussion. Maybe he had assumed that Sam felt the same way, until Sam started to act all awkward and confused, and then maybe Dean had panicked, assuming that Sam didn’t want to take things any further, and he’d backed off.

Eventually, Sam decided that he couldn’t just let this go without ever knowing. He was going to find a way to say something, to put himself out there so that he could let Dean know what he wanted.

He knew that he had to choose his words carefully though. He had to respond in a way that his feelings would be spoken out loud, but he also had to be subtle and discreet so that he could avoid one of Dean's dreaded chick-flick moments, so that he could still come away from the conversation with minimum embarrassment-and minimum strain to their brotherly bond- if Dean didn’t feel the same way.

Sam had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself before he spoke. “I don’t want you to flirt with hot women at hotel bars-or hot male hunters, now that we’re talkin’ about this,” he insisted, trying not to blush. He was sure that he caught a hint of a grin from Dean, before the confused, nervous look crossed his older brother’s face again. “I don’t want you to share beds-or do anything else-with anyone…uh…except me…”

 Sam ducked his head awkwardly as he finished speaking, and he hoped that Dean had somehow managed to work out through this ineloquent explanation just what Sam was trying to say,  what he was trying to imply, what he wanted from Dean.

“You’ve always been a jealous bitch, Sammy,” Dean muttered, and Sam swore that he could hear the mocking tone and the laughter in Dean’s voice.

“Shut up, you jerk!” Sam responded, but he knew that he was sort of grinning as well, suddenly overwhelmed with relief that Dean was still resorting to brotherly banter, and it was a welcome reminder that Dean was still going to be his brother, in spite of everything else, even though it kind of felt like there was a lot more to Dean’s joke now than just their average brotherly mockery.

Then everything went silent again, and Sam shifted around uncomfortably in the bed, until Dean nodded, slowly, and Sam breathed a sigh of relief, finally feeling like Dean was in agreement with him.

“You got any room in there?” Dean eventually asked after a few more seconds of silence and awkward staring between them.

“Always,” Sam replied instantly in barely more than a whisper, moving around a little in the bed.

“Sap!” Dean mocked him with a roll of his eyes, and Sam glared at him.

Sam noticed that Dean stared at him for a little while longer, looking all hesitant, and like he was trying to make a decision about something, and then Dean simply shrugged like he had made up his mind and he started to remove his shirt and pants.

Sam watched him, transfixed, as Dean stripped down to just his underwear. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it all before; it was inevitable that they were going to see each other in various states of undress when they lived in close quarters most of the time, and they’d both walked around various motel rooms naked when they were rushing around getting ready for their hunts or when they were too tired after taking a shower to put clothes on before walking out of the bathroom. But this, right now…it felt different somehow. Now Sam was paying a lot more attention to Dean’s body, like said body was having a lot more of an effect on him.

It was as though Sam had been subconsciously averting his gaze from Dean for years and now he was finally allowed to _look_ …like his gaze was finally allowed to linger.

He took in the smooth skin and the few faint scars and the freckles, and he wanted Dean to get a move on and get into the bed so that Sam could pull him in close. His body was suddenly craving the skin-to-skin contact, and he wondered why he hadn’t worked it out a while ago that this ‘craving’ was definitely more than brotherly, and he was starting to understand why so many people wanted to see Dean like this, why they wanted to get up close and personal with him…

“You finished looking?” Dean asked with a suggestive but mocking smirk, and Sam tried to roll his eyes and stop himself from blushing.

Before he could come up with any kind of witty comeback, Dean was pulling the covers back and slowly getting into the bed.

Sam decided that he should be just as exposed as his brother, so he attempted to remove his own t-shirt. However, he must have been even more nervous and overwhelmed than he had first thought, because he somehow managed to get the t-shirt stuck over his head, and his hands got tangled in the fabric.

He heard a soft sigh from Dean, then two strong hands were grabbing hold of him and firmly pulling the t-shirt off Sam.

As soon as the shirt was removed, Sam blushed all over again, all of a sudden feeling like he were a lot younger and uncertain and more awkward, like he was still a teenager who was in awe of his big brother. Only this time, Sam thought that there was something kind of sexy about those strong, sturdy hands that could take care of him and remove his clothes so easily.

There were a few more moments of awkward staring and averting gazes and uncomfortable shuffling around in the bed, like they were trying to find the right position to get this new thing that they had between them just right, but then Dean was right up close, pulling Sam in, and after a few seconds of more adjusting and getting used to the new sensation of having Dean in bed with him like this, Sam reached out for Dean to return the favour, wrapping his arms around Dean and pulling him even closer, so that their bodies were connected.

As he felt Dean’s heartbeat up against him, Sam realized that it wasn’t really any different to what they’d been doing all along. It was just like cuddling, and Sam’s body still appreciated the comfort and the close contact. Part of it still felt brotherly, like he was being held and protected by his big brother just like when they were kids, and he still felt that sensation of happiness and contentment, not only at the affection from Dean but also in the knowledge that he could offer comfort and security to his brother in return now that they were both adults.

Yet even though the cuddling and the skin-to-skin contact felt like the most natural things in the world, Sam was fully aware of the fact that there was something different-good different-about what they were doing now. His body wasn’t just craving the affection from Dean, it was craving a lot more from Dean’s body, a lot more of Dean’s touches and caresses that went beyond their regular cuddling.

It was like Sam couldn’t get his body close enough to Dean’s, like maybe this had been the case all along but he hadn’t been able to process or understand this idea.

Sam had a feeling that he would never really be close enough until their bodies were fully connected, until Dean was inside him, and even then maybe it still wouldn’t be enough.

Sam had never felt this way about any other guy before, but he shrugged it off for now and decided that maybe it was some kind of soulmate thing, or a thing about two halves of one whole needing to join and come back together…not that he could say any of that to Dean right now, because Dean would definitely call him a sap again, or a chick, and he would get all embarrassed and uncomfortable. 

They ended up silently embracing in the bed, laying in what was practically a bear hug, even though Sam knew that Dean would probably try to deny this fact in the morning. Sam also knew that Dean was a lot better at expressing his feelings through this physical contact at ‘bedtime’ than he was at communicating through words and chick-flick moments, and Sam took this for what it was-a silent apology between the two of them for all of their arguing and misunderstandings over the past few weeks, an unspoken ‘I really missed you’, an implied ‘I missed our close contact’ and an unstated ‘I get what all this is about’.

They stayed like that for a long time, and Dean even tucked his head into Sam’s shoulder, breathing deeper like he was appreciating Sam’s scent, or the smell of his shampoo, making their contact even more intimate, and Sam started to place kisses over Dean’s hair and forehead.

“Urgh,” Sam heard Dean grumble, “we’re gonna have the sappiest sex ever, aren’t we?”

Sam could practically feel Dean’s exaggerated groan of disgust.

“And you’re gonna love it,” Sam shot back with a smirk, already wondering when they could get started on their ‘sappy sex’, because his body was definitely very interested.

Dean sighed, but he didn’t say anything to disagree, apparently deciding that he was happier using his mouth and lips to kiss and nibble at Sam’s shoulder.

Sam held his breath in anticipation as Dean moved up from his shoulder to his neck, and he could feel his heartbeat speeding up. Then they were looking right into each other’s eyes, and Sam could feel a weird crackle of tension between them before he took the final step and placed a soft kiss to Dean’s lips.

He saw Dean’s eyelids flutter closed as he kissed Sam back, and Sam could still feel the familiar sigh of contentment from his older brother, as though this were just a normal night of cuddling and brotherly affection. It still felt like the most natural thing ever, like this was a step that they had always been destined to take, eventually, like this wasn’t that much different from what they’d been doing for the past few months anyway.

Sam knew that the kiss wasn’t going to be some kind of happy ending for the two of them; it wouldn’t magically take all of their pain away, or undo everything that had happened between them over the years.

As soon as their ‘we time’ at the hotel was over, they would still have all of their usual stress, and the long and tiring hunts would be waiting for them the second they pulled into their next motel parking lot. Their arguments and misunderstandings would never fully go away, and by this time next week, Sam wouldn’t be surprised if they were already arguing about a whole other issue; but this kiss felt like the solution to _something_.

It was like a little of the usual tension between them seemed to melt away between their lips, like a lot of the tension between them in the past suddenly seemed to make more sense, like maybe their future issues would be a little easier to deal with now they had this extra connection, and Sam actually felt happy, calm, contented. He was determined to make the most of it for as long as possible.

They continued to make out slowly, lazily for a while. Eventually, Dean started using his hands to trace soft patterns up and down Sam’s back, a gesture that was now a familiar part of their bedtime routine. Only now, Sam couldn’t help noticing that Dean seemed to run his hands slowly down Sam’s back and then he would stop just above Sam’s underwear, like he was hesitating, before swiftly moving his hands back up towards Sam’s neck again.

After doing this a few more times, Sam realized that Dean’s hands had suddenly gone still, and he felt like Dean was taking deeper breaths.

Sam blinked in surprise when Dean hooked his thumb into the waistband of Sam’s boxer shorts.

“Bedtime?” Dean asked with a raised eyebrow and his trademark Dean Winchester smirk.

Sam looked right into Dean’s eyes and he could see the nerves and the uncertainty behind the appearance of confidence. He knew that nobody could read Dean like he could, and he couldn’t miss the fear in Dean’s voice, as though Sam might reject him, push him away.

Sam also knew that there was a lot more to this ‘bedtime’ question than before, that Dean was asking for something that varied from what they normally did, that this was going to be a big, life-changing step for the two of them if Sam allowed Dean to remove his underwear and they ended up fully naked together under the covers, taking their 'we time' very literally.

Yet Sam couldn’t help feeling like this wouldn’t change their bond now; it wouldn’t be a major threat to it. He was sure that they would still have their cuddling and their brotherly affection, as well as this new form of contact. He was sure that this was going to bring them even closer.

It didn’t take Sam long to give his answer.

“ _Bedtime_.”


End file.
